Almost There……

imagesCA174ACFIt has been a long semester.  Between working 40 hours student teaching, I’ve been trying to fit working in anytime I can, so I’ve been doing about 60-70 hours and working 7 days a week is getting a little old.  I just have to remind myself, I’m almost there.

Graduation is May 4th.  I’ve been accepted by Clemson University in their Graduate program with a scholarship and assistantship.  Yes, I’m jazzed, just to pooped to jump up and down.  I have to say that my respect for teachers has risen.  I’ve been teaching, preparing lesson plans, dealing with classroom management, speaking to parents in parent/teacher conferences and so forth.  It. Wears. You. Out.  Plus there are children who just are difficult to help.  They are their own worst enemy and it takes a lot of energy not to give up on them.  I’ve found that some students don’t like my teaching style because I’m not entertaining.  (Sorry, I want you to learn not be entertained in school.)  But it makes it worth while when there are the few who say “thank you” for teaching me something, because I know I’m my own worst enemy and its my fault that my grades aren’t up to parr.

I’m almost there.  I say this because going into student teaching I had a much different idea about what I should be doing with teaching.  It’s been reversed.  I can’t give you all the reasons, except to say that it’s not what I expected and I found that my level of care for their education has grown.  I’ve seen a lot of things that I never thought I would have to deal with.  Young people whose own parents give up on them, others who don’t have parents who care and live with someone else and those who just don’t have anyone at all; these are the ones who slip through the school system, without really having someone look them in the face and ask questions about who they are, what they want, what their plans are….there is so much more to being a teacher than people realize.

I’m almost there.  I think this experience is preparing me for something great, I just don’t know what it is yet.   I have found my true calling and it is – Teacher.

You are what you are because of others: A self reflection on relationships

I don’t know why but I started this morning by thinking back to a moment in my past when a 14 year relationship was ending, but for some reason it just popped into mental thought.  The person who I was involved with then, stated to me “if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be who you are today,” as we concluded our affairs and went separate ways.  At first, I was a little angry about this statement.  I thought to myself “well you egocentric so-and-so, this has been my life and life has made me who I am.”  Those words have just stuck with me this past 12 years and I find myself reflecting over them from time to time.

Tis the case for the morning.

I wondered about what really makes us who we are.  Do people?  Events? Our parents? Our position in life? Poverty? Riches? Where we live? Who we know?  I could go on and on, but I’ll stop there.  In my opinion all of it matters.  The imprints of the vast melting of all of it makes us who we are.  We start out in this life a clean slate, a little tiny baby with no knowledge of what goes on here, in mother Earth.  Things around us put their mark on our clean little board (metaphorically speaking) and our minds take those marks and analysis them, throwing out what we disagree with and keeping those things that seem to work.

As we grow older, we find that re-evaluating those marks from time to time, gives us a fresh, new perspective about our life.  Today, I finally came to the realization that what this person said wasn’t so egocentric at all.  He was right, he did have a hand in making me who I am today.  For instance, I learned that being a doormat for him wasn’t very pleasant, and in coming to that realization, I developed a very independent nature and finally got a clue about standing up for myself.  I don’t take disrespect from anyone anymore.  His presence, while not always positive in my life, had a profound effect on me.  So, yes,  he did have a hand in making me who I am today and for that, I am grateful.

Life holds many lessons, and what or who crosses our paths will always leave some imprint on our lives.  They help make us who we are.  The greater challenge is discovering what impact they had.  Whether it is a person across the street, or individuals across the sea, we all have things we can learn from each other.  Remember you are who you are because of those around you.

Enjoying Your Life – Knowing when to take a break from writing.

Tire swing in the back yard at the little yellow cabin.

Usually summertime is writing time for me as I take a break from school and studies.  The past couple of years it seems that my summer is progressing to being one of the busiest times of the year, making me wish for school to be back in session.  LOL! But I would not trade it for anything in the world.

My wonderful boyfriend’s two children come over from Oklahoma to visit as well as my daughter, Kelsey, from Texas.  Not only are we excited to have them, but since our little cabin is situated in the mountains of North Georgia, and we have a lake right down the road only ten minutes away, we are always doing something on the water, or at the ranch.  Our place has become a sanctuary for others in our family too.  We have had visitors since March this year, coming to enjoy the peaceful quality of Hiawassee, and to see us.

I remember when my children were younger, how stressful I would get when I knew I had much to accomplish, and never seemed to get anywhere during the day.  It would “freak me out” if I could not seem to get anything done on a timely basis.  I know my children thought I was very controlling about my schedule, and even told me so.  It was not until a few years ago when I had a mild heart attack that I realized they were correct, and I was not enjoying this life the way that it should be.  I always worked and never took the time to visit the simpler things in life.

I have always been the firm believer that the supreme being places us here on this earth to learn valuable lessons before we are graduated to higher plane.  This lifetime has taught me that I need to slow down and listen, look and ponder.  While my writing is very important, especially since I would like to finish Legends of Green Isle Series before I leave this existence, there are more important things that need my attention during the summer, and that is the children.  They are little only one time, and once they grow up, they will “freak out” about their lives and their children, and not have time for me then, until they need a babysitter.  🙂 And I am pretty cool about that.

Writing is very important to me, but now I look at it in a different way.  I write for my children, instead of wishing to be as famous.  I write to enjoy words like an artist enjoys painting colors on a canvas.  I write to give of myself, so that the future generation may see something of who I was.

Part of being a great writer is knowing when to shift your perspective, and taking a step back from the stress of everyday, to allow your soul to recharge.

Give someone a hug today just for the heck of it, and take a break just to hear the birds sing, the wind talk, and the insect call to each other.  It will do wonders for your mind, and your body, and give you a chance to be a little less stressed.