One Day My Soul Just Opened Up

Roxi

Kicking back after finals is going to be a challenge, as my mind seems to never want to quit.  But the next month shall be constructively used for finishing Book Two – “The Mirror Sliver” of my Legends of Green Isle Series and preparing for a History Conference in Dahlonega in which I’ll be presenting a paper on the Colors and Cockades of the French Revolution.

While rattling around the house today, and fixing the Christmas tree, because two very playful little puppies decided to introduce themself to lights and beads, blowing out half the strand, I started organizing a lot of my history books and other stuff, and found something that didn’t belong with them.  Tucked away on top of some of the books,  I came across a brand new book which I don’t remember buying called “One Day My Soul Just Opened Up”  by Iyanla Vanzant.  The caption above the title read “40 Days and 40 Nights toward Spiritual Strength and Personal Growth.”  It caught my attention.

Lately I’ve been having a feeling that my spiritual growth has been a little stunted.  Seems my joy has been in the lacking department too.  I find myself crying at weird things, and I know my boyfriend probably thinks I’ve gone a little insane.  I have really been talking with God lately about the issue because I THINK I’ve gone a little insane.  God’s answers seem to come in little things like a page I’ll read in an article, a phrase I overhear from a conversation, and I think the discovery of this book too.  The author begins her introduction with writing about how she discovered the truth out about her “so perfect” life in the middle of night, as she slept. The reality of it, was her life was not what she told herself it was.  Here let me quote something from the book:

“The feelings of misery, confusion, and despair began to grow like an annoying fungus in my mind.  My thinking was fuzzy. I was snapping at people.  I had become professionally aggressive and competitive to the point of being combative.  Each day, I would push myself to exhaustion so that no more truth could be, would be, revealed to me when I was sleeping.  I clung to the relationship {talking about her boyfriend here who was a married man} believing that if it ended, I would surely lose my mind.  It did. And I did. I lost the mind that had kept me in denial for the better part of my life. I lost the mind that was so full of distortions, half-truths, and the ideas of others that if fed my misery like a ravenous dog. I lost the mind that was angry at my mother, hated my father, resented my brother, wanted to control everything and everybody in its midst that could in any way hurt me. At the time, I didn’t realize what was going on.  I thought I was having a string of bad luck. As I watched my life fall to pieces, I did what any mindless person would do.  I got totally pissed off! It is called temporary insanity.” (pg 11)

This particular paragraph reminded me of a time before my wonderful Henderson came into my life.  I was at this point about three years ago when my life fell apart.  This paragraph reminded me of that shift when I began shedding all the things I covered up in my mind, exposing to myself mis-truths about my life, hanging onto the notion that I could control the outcome of my existence, and believing that the bad relationship I was in, was good.  I moved into that temporary insanity position and remained pissed off for about a year.

My life continues to evolve.  I believe that we humans all are in a great process of finding Truth. I think I am feeling stunted in growth right now, because there is a lingering Untruth  I am hanging onto too at this moment.  The unwanted crying is my soul’s process of shedding those layers, peeling them off until that Untruth is exposed, bared for me to see in all its horror, so that the joy of knowing the real Truth can be experienced.

I leave you with this wonderful poem by Ms. Vanzant.  Dedicated today to my friend Phyllis, who believes in some crazy notion that I am inspirational.  Hugs to you P.

One day my soul just opened up

and things started happenin’

things I can’t quite explain

I mean

I cried and cried like never before

I cried tears of ten thousand mothers

I couldn’t even feel anything because

I cried ’til I was numb.

One day my soul just opened up

I felt this overwhelming pride

what I was proud of

only God knows!

Like the price of a hundred thousand fathers

basking in the glory of their newborn sons

I was grinnin’ from ear to ear.

One day my soul just opened up

I started laughing

and I laughed for what seemed like forever

wasn’t nothin’ particularly funny goin’ on

but I laughed anyhow

I laughed the joy of a million children playin’

in the mud

I laughed ’til my sides ached

Oh God! It felt so good!

One day, my soul just opened up

There were revelations, annihilations, and resolutions

feelings of doubt and betrayal, vengeance and forgiveness

memories of things I’d seen and done before

of places I’d been, although I didn’t know when

there were lives I’d lived

people I’d loved

battles I’d fought

victories I’d won

and wars I’d lost.

One day My soul just opened up

and out poured all the things

I’d been hiding

and denying

and living through

that had just happened moments before.

One day, my soul just opened up

and I decided

I was good and ready!

I was good and ready to surrender

my life

to God.

So with my soul wide open,

I sat down

wrote Her a note

and told her so.

[by Gemmia L. Vanzant]

Glad I’m not the only who realizes God is a woman. 🙂

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11 thoughts on “One Day My Soul Just Opened Up

Add yours

  1. I’ve heard that we’re letting go of everything that we are not. We’re stilling, slowing down to the present moment, discovering who we have always been. In that transition, we can feel insane because we are moving out of a collective consciousness that we’ve been taught is what the world is supposed to be. If we can trust that stillness and allow ourselves to be in it, we can discover the beautiful, loving beingness that is who we are. That part is always there, waiting to support and love us as we make the transition back to ourselves. Best wishes in all that you do. Have a lovely Christmas and New Year 🙂

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    1. You know I’ve read the same thing during some research. There are those who are moving at higher vibrations, and as this transition happens, those who move in these vibrations will realize a great awareness of light and peace. Thanks for visiting. Have a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year.

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  2. so true we are always changing and evolving and learning more about ourselves and others.Sometimes we need to take a break.I’ve been pushing myself too hard this year and i decided just yesterday to give myself a break and take time for me and my family over Christmas putting the computer way except for short spurts.

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  3. Connie–

    Love the post and yes you are an Inspiration – to more than you’ll ever know – and I do believe that is how it should be!

    When we stand in alignment to our own self – we can then be an inspiration to others whom are seeking to do the very same — Alignment to OUR Own Self is a gift that needs to be shared openly and without reservation!

    Cheers, P.
    Phillis Benson
    http://www.PowerWithinCoach.com

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  4. I don’t create a bunch of comments, however i did some searching and wound up here One Day My Soul Just Opened Up | LEGENDS OF GREEN ISLE. And I do have a couple of questions for you if it’s allright.
    Could it be just me or does it give the impression like
    a few of these responses appear like they are left by brain dead people?
    😛 And, if you are writing at additional places, I’d like to follow everything fresh you have to post. Could you list of the complete urls of your social sites like your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?

    Like

  5. Please let me know if you’re looking for a writer for your blog.
    You have some really great articles and I feel I would be a good asset.
    If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d absolutely love to write some material for your blog
    in exchange for a link back to mine. Please send
    me an email if interested. Kudos!

    Like

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